Lia's Journal

7:12pm: I'm done with this journal.  It doesn't work anymore.

new one is pixieramona

8:22pm:

How to make a lia

Ingredients: 1 part pride 5 parts silliness 5 parts ego

Method: Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice. Top it off with a sprinkle of curiosity and enjoy!

9:43pm: just a little rambling
Picked up a stranded Ole in Springfield last night, drove back to Hampshire and snuggled in front of Futurama. Saw Drew for a bit this morning and things healed a little from the shittiness of last time I saw him. The girl upstairs moved out after a few crappy screaming matches with her and some guy. There was lots of screaming storming and slamming doors the other night.

I'm breaking all blockages. I'm sick of shit holding me back. Magic smokin's been reduced to special occasions like that duel Will and I've got coming to us. Wine, on the other hand, is a neccesity for keeping the mind limber. Ok, not really essential just helps and don't hurt so far cause I don't like it enough.

Caught myself writing bad poetry. I'm not totally sure it's bad but I'm pretty confident.

Reading about chakras and healing and the coming together of ancient secrets with modern science.

Got my car inspected today and officially got through 4 months without getting nabbed for my expired inspection sticker. Must replace front axel..

Gonna go to bed early cause I've got a sad girl drew coming by tomorrow morning so we can have a beautiful sobby day.

I'm getting better at this life thing. Want to develop skills. Gotta pick some skills. Art I don't wanna do like that. It only comes out if I do it for my own sanity. It gets killed when I push on it. I like this healing kick but I don't know in what form. Deap down I want to work with big cats. Lions and Tigers and Leopards.

And Men. I'm liking men more and more. Getting over that 'abandoned by my dad' misery cause it's just not fucking worth it. I like lovin. Lonliness is no good. That whole wandering star thing has a wonderful frosty exhiliration but damn does it pale when compared to real friends. Actually I take it back. It the opposite thing again where I forget I need both to appreciate both.. or in this case remember.

wooooooooo progress!

7:43pm: Name a band you like that I probably haven't heard of

Please

I want some new music

10:22am: I'm at work watching Dora the Explorer with Dylan. She's hypnotizing. Her eyeballs are at least two inches tall on this plasma screen. They're fixing the mixed up jungle.

So I found the full version of commander keen 6 on some german website. I've been looking for it for a long time but it's been near impossible to find because of some licensing thing that made it illegal to distribute.

I burned my finger last night trying to take a non-microwavable bowl out of the microwave. I've got a big liquidy blister growing.

I'm going to hampshire tonight. Most people are gone. It's Peter's last night. I want to be there now.

rottencandyfakermaker 3000

It was thundering and lightening while I drove to work this morning. Now it's sunny.

pay day

7:30pm: Livejournal is for single people.

Everyone stops writing when they start getting laid.


And, as you can see, I'm still writing.

9:51pm: One night of socializing a week is NOT ENOUGH!

11:10pm: So I bought myself a laptop and I'm in love.

3.4ghz Athlon
80gb
512 ram
ATI Radeon
XP Pro

very sexy


cost around half as much as you're thinking

I'm still in the process of cleaning all the crap off of it

Had a good, weird Hampshire friday night. Lots of people were leaving. Hate saying goodbye incase I somehow never see them again.

All the different parts of my life feel like they're high contrast. It just keeps getting weirder. Weird is good unless/until I get lost in it.

Peter showed me the new South Parks I hadn't seen yet. I fell a little outa the stoner cartoon culture when I got a respectable job. So fucking wierd looking at my life a year ago.


My laptop's name is Tony.

9:59pm: 'there's nothing wrong with anything' - Fry
i like buying real cds again. bought '10,000 days' and 'this is a long drive for someone with nothing to think about'

i'm totally musically satisfied for the first time in a while.

my heart silently broke when i realized andy wasn't coming again. i think i jumped the gun a little thinking him visiting this weekend was definate. peter noticed but i didn't let myself feel it till after i left. i think that was the last time i'll get excited to see him. took a while to really hit my limit but it's time to move on. i'm not putting any caps on the future just for now, no more.

getting an apartment with my sister is looking like a real possibility for the future, probably after the summer. new york might have to come after i finish school.

jared came around in a really beautiful way. it feels good to have his little aim box blinking in the corner of my eye again.

had really nice visits with max and will. the three of us have all ended up on the same career path.

hah.. careers...


good talks with girl drew.

got a glimpse of emily's eye when she was in stunningly beautiful mode saturday morning.

got the sims 2 sitting ontop my puter waiting for my new hard drive. 250gigs for $73 with shipping.

My job is going really well. The mother, Chris talks to the 3 year old, Dylan, about how wonderful I am in front of me. He said he's going to keep me for 'a long time.' They seem to want me to move to Martha's Vineyard with them in the fall but I don't know if I will. I love the family but I'd have nothing out there except for them and I'm building things here.

saw yuli at hampshire and reconnected with her. wrote my email down and gave it to her and then i found the piece of paper i'd written it on back in my own bag the next day and realized it was written on the back of a folded up drawing of brittni's that i'd never seen before and i'm completely baffled how it got in my bag twice.

found a new ring that i like. it's a silver finger crown i think.

want to pierce my cartilidge. maybe next weekend.

took a long drive today just to listen to 10,000 days. it was exactly what i needed.

i left my new modest mouse cd in eva's car. i miss it but i think she needs to listen to it more than i do right now.

sleep now, work tomorrow. good night

7:36am: that'll show you to paint your floor yellow

8:46pm: my job has benefits. BENEFITS! I have dental insurance.

Tomorrow i get my membership card to their health club.

I'm gonna go look for my bathing suit

9:29am: Silliness and Pissiness
I decided not to fight it and fell asleep at 8ish last night, then woke up real early with a craving to do laundry ???

hampshire felt good. i miss people already.

I want to dye my hair again and maybe cut some parts of it.

Realized that I fast for 24 hours once a week. I wonder if that will change now that I see it.


kyle said he doesn't have my 2nd season of DS9 or Mino and was acting like I shouldn't expect to get them back. I'm a pretty pissed. They're valuable beyond being expensive. Especially Mino cause he's irreplaceable. Slippery little bastard trying to weasel his way around everything. Coward!

It's pretty pathetic how they'd gang up on me and be so in the wrong that I still held my own (barely). Things are different when it's not 4 or 5 against 1.

I think my judge of character might finally be improving.

I'm gonna dedicate now till noon to DS9 chocolate putter time

9:12pm: morning? after
I made it through my birthday in one piece. Went to a couple bars with Eva. John described it as spring cleaning my brain cells. Got free drinks from a cute bartender who kept the drunk, tactless 30 year old Yankee fans at bay. Been half-sleeping all day. There's no way I'm sleeping on a couch at hampshire tonight so I'm gonna crash and drive early for keg hunt. I might have a couple days off next week. It would be nice.
I'm gonna go take care of my body.

9:32am: I'm at work. We're watching movies cause it's gross outside. This is atleast the 4th time I've seen spy kids. It's a little painful and a little amazing.

My favorite line in the movie: "I don't mind talking to myself but when you guys start cutting me out of the converstation it gets a little .. strange"


I'm 21!!!

3:04pm: Stupid Hampshire
So as I'm filling out of application to Lesley College I decide to open and look at my Hampshire transcript knowing I have time to request a second one. It's a damn good thing I did because the transcript only included three evaluations and my div II contract.

They actually sent me a half-assed incomplete transcript. I called central records and they were super apologetic. I guess they couldn't find my Div I portfolio. The woman I talked to said she'll overnight me two copies of my complete transcript.

I'm real glad I checked. That was really bad on Hampshire's part, it coulda seriously fucked up my application.. I can't believe nobody double checks those things.

It's tenative if I'm going to be able to make drag ball but I hope I do cause I have a wicked hot outfit I put together last night and I reallllly want an excuse to wear it. I s'pose if Eva and I go out that night, I'll just wear it to the bars instead. I hope it's not too cold...

10:19pm: indulgence
Band: Aerosmith

Answer only using the band's song titles:

Are you male or female?
"Dude Looks Like a Lady"

Describe yourself:
"Livin' on the Edge"

Your best piece of advice:
"Eat the Rich"

Describe your last relationship:
"Crazy"

Describe your last crush:
"Boogie Man"

Say something to someone you have a crush on:
"Shut up and Dance"

Say something to an ex:
"Get a Grip"

What is your philosophy?
"Walk on Down"

Where do you live?
"The Other Side"

What is your passion?
"Sweet Emotion"

Describe a close friend:
"Pink"

What do you do in your free time?
"Love in an Elevator"

What are you doing this weekend?
"Same Old Song and Dance"

What's the worst thing you've ever done?
"What it Takes"

9:23pm: Life!
Visiting hampshire always makes me feel like a real person again. So many people that I want to get to know better, I wish I had more time. But I guess there is plenty more time.. just not right now.

I've started to boil down all my passions and figure out what I really want to do with myself. I have tons of interests that I've tried to adapt into things I could do for work but it always sucks the fun out of them. I think it's because most of my interests are on the solitary side and I want to spend my days where there's adventure and I can be in the thick of the world changing. Art and Writing and Film fit in my life better as reflective relaxing things to do just for myself.

I definately want to work with kids but nannying is getting old. It's fun and will be fine until August but it's too small. What I really want to do is teach. I've taught art classes which was fun for a while but not totally me. Also, I taught Elementary school kids. Little kids are ok but I don't like playing parent and teacher. I want to teach highschool. It's that coming-of-age time where everyone's discovering who they are as independent people. It's such a pivotal point, the very edge of a new generation. Everyone's in a state of flux and teacher's can have huge influence. I also think highschools get a little jipped with teachers, everyone wants the little kids or the college kids. I just want the bratty teenagers.

I think I want to teach English. I like reading and writing and teaching it would keep me sharp and make it easier to work personal writing projects into my life. Also, summer vacation! Talk about perfect time to go off on adventures every year. There's so much going on in schools that it would be a huge opening to people and opportunities.

In the meantime I'm going to work full time till August and save up some money. Then probably drop to part time and start volunteering at my old high school. Go back to school next febuary and take it from there.

12:04pm: I dreamt I had to check my guinea pig for breast cancer but he wouldn't hold still

2:25pm: Sequins
My sister took me clothing shopping for my birthday. It's the first time I've been shopping in almost a year. I'm stoaked about having new stuff to wear. I've been wearing the same 3 outfits all winter.

I organized and decorated my room with art and photos. I found a picture of me at 2 or 3 with cheak length blond hair that curls up and out. When my hair grows back to that length I'm going to have to dye in blonde and see what I look like. I also found old pictures of my dad that made me sad. He used to be beautiful.

Fell asleep reading Harry Potter and dreamt I was discreatly battling a dementor.. if that makes any sense.

Spent an amazing star trek episode beating a banana barrel where tiny has to race the turtle-rabbit thing.

Keldar likes to race around his house. He's memorized the lengths of the sides so he can dart around so fast you can hardly see him and he always stops at the same corner and looks at me before he goes again. I wonder if he wants me to chase him. I don't wanna try cause then he'll always run when I go to put him back inside.

Didn't go to Hampshire this weekend and there was actually stuff going on here.. which is rare. I'm gonna try to go next weekend but I dunno if I can do a two nights in a row thing like I usually do. Probably decide between Thursday and Friday. I wanna show off my sexy new clothes.

Keldar's being bad and chewing on my sketch books.

I think I'm gonna go sort my computer games and sell some of them.

4:08pm: I think I might have a direction now

4:14pm: plans?
I've been playing donkey kong non stop since i got it yesterday. i should be setting up my room. i have a deadline of tomorrow night cause my aunt's sleeping in my room.

i'm a little lonely after secluding myself with my nintendo. i'd love to be able to hang out with hampshire people for just a few hours and then get back to my stuff. two days on two weeks off sucks. always all or nothing. nonstop friends for two days and then near nothing for two weeks. kinda wanna go tonight or tommorrow but next weekend's prolly a better ideal. i miss being able to party and then sleep in my own bed. always with extremes.

if i can find a way to make gas money not an issue, i'll be all over hampshire tomorrow night cause i'm kicked outa my bed anyway.

i can't wait for teleporters

i need to do something productive

11:20am: I got no clue
I got my taxes back today which means a new starter for the car!! wooo!!!

I'm one paranoid little girl sometimes.. and freaky wind queen other times.

If I could control an element I think I'd pick wind.

I also think I might have just gotten the boob shimmy down while sitting here singing 'who do you love' in my head. It's real hard to jiggle boobies before booty.

This is gonna be a good weekend, I can smell it.

I followed up with Chris and things may be good... *here's to hope*

Ole and I are going to play over break. It'll be mad fine.

Got a wicked random call from Tansey last night asking if I wanted to buy dropkick murphy tickets off him for this Sunday at Avalon. I wasn't interested but if anyone wants 'em let me know. TANSMAN will be happy. I kinda really wanna hang out with Tansey but he's leaving tomorrow and there's NO TIME. I hope he's around this summer.

(the trick is to concentrate on the feeling of your boobs flapping around)

I just had the BEST idea! When Ole and I go to Stony Crest to pack my shit I'll bring the nintendo and we can trade off when you die you go pack and the other person plays till they die. And when you win something special you get a hit or a shot or something. Shutup! I don't have to be original to be the best idea

Oh man donkey kong I'm coming and the little chicky girl with the helecopter pig tails.

DON'T TRANSLATE ME

Today is a Violent Femmes day. I'm going to go burn a cd and then listen to it in my car and scoot to Gloucester.

7:23pm: futurama and reality and crap
I can't stop watching futurama again. Can't find my second disk of them so I keep watching the first half of the series. Sometimes I notice new scenes in episodes i've watched tons of times. I don't know if they're actually new or if I get myself to forget. I like thinking that futurama is a multidimensional show and you can see different parts depending where you watch it from. Started on this after I watched a TNG where worf was slipping through parallel universes (on the concept of infinate universes for every choice of direction) more and more I like where my mind goes when I take off the leash. Maybe I should start writing about all this stuff and my weird revelations. I wonder if it would actually be interesting, or at least entertaining for anyone else to read. I'd be stoaked if some outcast kid 300 years from now has to pick an obscure 21st century writer and chooses me. I think thats my ideal level of fame.

I'm a little nervous cause I'm almost outa chocolate.

I'm excited to babysit my baby brother on friday.. and then yoink my nintendo. I am SO much happy for goldeneye, donkey kong and podracing. This is the biggest video game craving I've ever had. I'm a little weirded out that I can hardly contain myself, I actually have to not think about it. Like Santa. So that'll probably occupy the rest of my weekend. I also have to go to Jaffrey and collect my things and sort the crap I wanna give away. I have too much junk and I'm trying to be less of a packrat. I don't really want to deal with it so it'll probably be better to get it done sooner.

I've been feeling a little lost or just off. Not really sure. Comes and goes. Smoking doesn't seem to help. I haven't really settled on how urgle fits in my life these days. I think it's a side effect of this weird limbo state. Might be able to start working full time on April 1st. That'll feel good. I'm getting sick of scrounging my work each week.

I think I hear dessert

+ of living with your mother: Free Dessert!

and you know, free food and room and board and all that jazz

Oh man, life's doing pretty good all around but once I'm working full time and square away a couple more things it's gonna be SO SWEET. I'm actually starting to move forward and find new good things instead of just reversing the bad stuff and climbing back outa the hole I dug. Treasure in the future instead of in memory.

Now it's really time for that dessert

8:09pm: Tuburculin and Yurtle and Space Honey
Had a randomly good day. Odd cause it started with getting injected for a TB test. Then went to my dad's and had a surprisingly good time. I like seeing my baby brother. Tried for my nintendo but kristopher had left all my games at the neighbors house, he also doesn't want me to take the nintendo so I told him I'd give him some computer games. Imma get him addicted to the Sims.

Keldar will only let me clip the nails on one foot a day.

*
lots of weird dreams and brain adventures lately. I had a really good dream where I could interact with the universe like it was literally an ocean. Floating at the surface of the water and drifting around was like effortlessly following the sway of the masses. You could also flap pretty hard to raise youself outa the water to higher to happier places but it took constant effort to stay up there and without other people to stand on to build up from surface (like yurtle the turtle) you'd get tired and sink back down. You could also sink down and explore under the ocean (breathing wasn't a problem). Underneath the water was darker with weird freaky stuff to explore. Underwater and up above water you had to keep your eyes open and effort to move around and choose directions. Up above the water was all good, safe and happy with lots of treasure to explore. Below is more dangerous with exciting adventures and really interesting freaky shit. Floating around on the surface you can just go to sleep and follow the currents but you might not like where you end up. I was with a few other people here and there flapping around, diving and playing and occasionally resting by floating on the currents and looking either up or down. The trap was to shut your eyes while floating (eat the extra spoonful of space honey) cause then you can lose control and get lost and confused and start drowning.
*

11:05am: Trapped Ramblings
The upstairs is getting carpeting today and then I can move out of Steven's room. In the meantime, all our stuff is in the guestroom so they can put down the rugs. I have no bedroom at the moment, all my clothes are in the laundry, I have a cold with a sore throat that's making me itchy and raspy and runny and I just got my period. To make it hilarious, my Mom's having 'ladies weekend' with all her pretty sisters. They're laughing and eating keesh before they go to the flower show. So raspy, cracked out lia with her runny nose and bathrobe comes fumbling down the stairs to change her laundry and finds Lots of HAPPY Women trying really hard not to look offended at the sight of me. I want to be polite but I'm leaking in two places.

So I'm hiding out in my piles of stuff in the guest room on my Mom's computer (cause mine is in pieces). I can hear them down there... I wish they would go to the flower show already. Uh oh, someone's coming up. Whew, it's Alyssa. She doesn't give a crap. Her stuff is in here too. She's in here behind me puttering. I don't want to have to interact with anyone but thankfully, I don't think she does either.

AHHHH they're laughing again!!! GO AWAY!!!!

I wanna be cranky and i'm too nasaly. gimmi some morbid humor, i dont wanna go to heaven.

I think Karl and I are hanging out today. He lives in Allston. I dunno if I'm going there or what. Maybe he'll take the T outa boston I can pick him up and we can go somewhere. I want a milkshake but I probably shouldn't have dairy. gimmi some friggin sudafed. I got gobs of it in NH. i have to poo. Alyssa's in the shower, I don't think I can brave downstairs to use the other bathroom. John's buying steaks for dinner. I think it's just gonna be me and him cause the sister's are probably going out. Maybe I'll make some fried rice. Maybe Karl would like to come over for dinner and we can cook together or something. Oh please just let the sisters go to the flower show. They have an extra ticket, my Mom half offered it to me but she reallllly doesn't want me there. Which makes sense, I wouldn't fit at all. I do like flowers, just not like that.

So Hilary Clinton might run for president? I'd get in on that. It's a long shot but it might get better if Bush keeps fucking things up for another two years. I like to think it's possible but I bet it's gonna take another generation dying off for the country to get there. From what I see of our generation things are going pretty well but I see mostly the liberal of the liberal. The conservatives I have met are usually the respectable kind.. I've only met a few of the freaky blind ones. I've never been to the south. I don't think I'm fighting the society battle. I went to a conservative high school, died my hair and told people to fuck off. That was my contribution.


!!!!! would they leave already? I wanna check on my laundry and I'm sick of rambling to livejournal.

Ok Fine.

i've got wax injuries on my robe from where i picked off the remnants of a fun night i had with urgle. my nails are all different lengths and shapes and sharp in odd places. i want karl to wake up and call me. i had to wake up at 9:30 today. On a weekend! my doctor is closed till monday so he won't get to prick me with tb infection-tester till next week. my mother gave me friggin AWESOME black slip-on shoes with colorful and beeds on the top and studs around the front back to the edge of the heel. I want an occasion. Give me an occasion! I just IMed Emily and told her the noise boys should play a show so that I can wear my new shoes. I'd just end up taking them off to dance but at least i could wear them in and out. in and out. mostly out tho cold drugs are finally drying out my nose hole. closer up I don't know about the shoes so much. the color and beeds are a little 'we are one with the infinate sun.' man i'm glad i never dove too far into that culture. uh oh... uh oh... they're coming. NOOOO. they're touring. Should I hide? I could duck behind the bed but man would that be embarrasing if they actually came in the room. shut the door? too rude? brave them?
they're close now... she's gonna wanna show off this room cause it already has a new rug. I'm screwed, they know I'm here. Maybe this is the last stop befor the flower show.

Awe, John just escaped. Lucky bastard. I bitched about my mom here before but now i changed my mind.

TENSION.

and they're gone

Lets hope the dryer is done. I'm excited for clothing.